The Circles Of Control, Influence And Concern

After I got married, I struggled with my identity. When I lived with my family, I was the care taker. I ran the entire household by myself, I made decisions from meal plans to maintaining the house and bills management.

Living in the same household with my in laws, I began to noticed how much things bothered me. The decisions in the house wasn’t mine. Meals planning was not necessary, no matter what I cooked my mother-in-law cooked on top of my meals.

I had to learn to let things go. I had to learn how to draw the lines on how to address challenges and where I spent more energy to achieve more fulfilling life. I have created this perspective by defining what I was able to control, things I could influence and was concerned about.


The circle Concern is on the outer of all three domains. The Concern circle represents everything that matters to a particular individual. This includes things that people can control and influence. However, by its nature this circle will always contain many things outside of a person’s influence or control.

For example, I had to accept that my in laws were living us my husband and I. A pile of shoes will cover the entry way. People were going to come over unannounced. Daily daycare was going to happen regardless of what I had to say.

We are able to impact on our Concern through others; this is the Influence circle. We are able to show our capacity on building authority with others and gaining trust from them. The more trust, the bigger the impact on our circle of Concern.

For example as my relationship build with my in laws, living together became easier. My in laws began asking my permission on behalf of the house. I appreciated that they came to me at all.

Finally we have the Control circle. The perspective of Control relates to what we can directly make happen as a result of our choices regardless of others. There were so many things that we don’t realize we are was able to control: our behavior and actions.

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